Grieving vs. Mourning

So many lives were lost due to Covid. I heard about situations where they didn’t even have time to test the person, and the person was already gone. And yet some have no symptoms at all. It’s a mystery to me. The pandemic isn’t the only reason lives could be lost. We loose our loved ones to accidents, to other illness, to addiction, to suicide, and more.

I would like to help those that are grieving actually to those who are morning.

Mourning is a natural reaction to a loss. A feeling of deep sorrow. Grieving however is a feeling of “I can’t live without you; I want to die too; I’m never ever going to be happy, feeling joy and love again. And still grieving is more commonly used. I’m not going to go on the scientific route here, because I have gone through both unfortunately when my parents passed away. Awful, paralyzing, lonely feeling. I have also worked w clients, who were not able to transition from grieving to mourning, and it greatly interfered with their personal life, meaning w their relationships to those who are still living. Maybe this writing will help some people.

Another very important negative feeling seems to appear during grieving is “guilt“: Maybe if I did this or that; I failed to say this or that…….will haunt you forever if you don’t make it stop. But you can’t make it stop, because you’re so week/feeble that you barely have the will to live. Stay with me, please. I know this isn’t an easy read, but important. First of all, you’ll find out, that you’re not alone. Most people go through this. And

The third toxic feeling is “helplessness“, which is a sibling of shame. Good Lord! Can it get any more devastating? Yes, it can. Especially with Covid where we were not able to visit our loved ones, sometimes not able to go even to the funeral. This way pain stays wide open, no closure. We all need to go through these feelings, I agree. There is no going around this one.

I do need to mention one more issue that arises as a misunderstanding especially for children, but does not exclude adults either who were emotionally/spiritually close with the deceased. That is abandonment. For the living, especially for young people consciously or subconsciously the passing of the loved one seems as an abandonment. This feeling arises in cases of sudden loss, and it is not a rational one, due to shock, trauma, fear, anger that can not be dealt with immediately. Abandonment kind of sneaks up on the person being in a lot of pain. An experienced therapist, social worker or healer is definitely needed when the time is right. Timing is crucial for the person to be able to participate and cooperate with the healing process.

The grieving/guilt/helplessness/shame/abandonment route is a dead end, where healing would not take place. It’s a black hole, and you can only go deeper and deeper into it. The first marriage I saved was where the wife was going on six years of grieving her mother. She was not available to her loved ones in any shape or form. I’m not sure if the experience of every loss starts with grieving, but in order to heal that loss, one needs to transition to mourning. Grieving creates self-destruction, and mourning is focused on the loss of the loved one, sadness, sorrow – giving way to healing, and being able to separate yourself from the person you lost, not attacking self-worth, self-esteem and the will to live.

There is also a spiritual aspect of letting the loved one go, that is very personal, and helps him/her “cross over” easier. Sometimes the person that passed away needs help entering eternity. Usually when he/she left things unsaid or unresolved. Will explain in session.

As a healer, as a friend I have compassion, empathy for situations I have never been in, however this one is very familiar. Every person is different, but the energy healing I do creates rapid personal transformation, clearing those toxic thoughts and emotions that would NOT let you heal and live your life fully. You have already spent probably years punishing yourself with “what ifs”, “how could I”, “I’m never gonna”, etc.

Let me show you that you re “wrong”. Believe me, this time you’ll want to be wrong. Please pass this on to someone who can’t seem to move on, let go or overcome. Tell them that they are wanted, they are needed, and they are loved here and now. I’m available for sessions and group healing as well.

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