Addiction is a beast. Addiction is  a way of hiding, not facing the mountain. What are we hiding from? What is that mountain? Sometimes a problem, a shortcoming, hurt; but sometimes our brilliance, yes sometimes we are scared that we actually might be f….n awesome. Shocking? It’s pretty common actually. The thing is, it’s subconscious most of the time.

Grieving vs. Mourning

So many lives were lost due to Covid. I heard about situations where they didn’t even have time to test the person, and the person was already gone. And yet some have no symptoms at all. It’s a mystery to me. The pandemic isn’t the only reason lives could be lost. We loose our loved ones to accidents, to other illness, to addiction, to suicide, and more.

I would like to help those that are grieving actually to those who are morning.

Mourning is a natural reaction to a loss. A feeling of deep sorrow. Grieving however is a feeling of “I can’t live without you; I want to die too; I’m never ever going to be happy, feeling joy and love again. And still grieving is more commonly used. I’m not going to go on the scientific route here, because I have gone through both unfortunately when my parents passed away. Awful, paralyzing, lonely feeling. I have also worked w clients, who were not able to transition from grieving to mourning, and it greatly interfered with their personal life, meaning w their relationships to those who are still living. Maybe this writing will help some people.

Another very important negative feeling seems to appear during grieving is “guilt“: Maybe if I did this or that; I failed to say this or that…….will haunt you forever if you don’t make it stop. But you can’t make it stop, because you’re so week/feeble that you barely have the will to live. Stay with me, please. I know this isn’t an easy read, but important. First of all, you’ll find out, that you’re not alone. Most people go through this. And

The third toxic feeling is “helplessness“, which is a sibling of shame. Good Lord! Can it get any more devastating? Yes, it can. Especially with Covid where we were not able to visit our loved ones, sometimes not able to go even to the funeral. This way pain stays wide open, no closure. We all need to go through these feelings, I agree. There is no going around this one.

I do need to mention one more issue that arises as a misunderstanding especially for children, but does not exclude adults either who were emotionally/spiritually close with the deceased. That is abandonment. For the living, especially for young people consciously or subconsciously the passing of the loved one seems as an abandonment. This feeling arises in cases of sudden loss, and it is not a rational one, due to shock, trauma, fear, anger that can not be dealt with immediately. Abandonment kind of sneaks up on the person being in a lot of pain. An experienced therapist, social worker or healer is definitely needed when the time is right. Timing is crucial for the person to be able to participate and cooperate with the healing process.

The grieving/guilt/helplessness/shame/abandonment route is a dead end, where healing would not take place. It’s a black hole, and you can only go deeper and deeper into it. The first marriage I saved was where the wife was going on six years of grieving her mother. She was not available to her loved ones in any shape or form. I’m not sure if the experience of every loss starts with grieving, but in order to heal that loss, one needs to transition to mourning. Grieving creates self-destruction, and mourning is focused on the loss of the loved one, sadness, sorrow – giving way to healing, and being able to separate yourself from the person you lost, not attacking self-worth, self-esteem and the will to live.

There is also a spiritual aspect of letting the loved one go, that is very personal, and helps him/her “cross over” easier. Sometimes the person that passed away needs help entering eternity. Usually when he/she left things unsaid or unresolved. Will explain in session.

As a healer, as a friend I have compassion, empathy for situations I have never been in, however this one is very familiar. Every person is different, but the energy healing I do creates rapid personal transformation, clearing those toxic thoughts and emotions that would NOT let you heal and live your life fully. You have already spent probably years punishing yourself with “what ifs”, “how could I”, “I’m never gonna”, etc.

Let me show you that you re “wrong”. Believe me, this time you’ll want to be wrong. Please pass this on to someone who can’t seem to move on, let go or overcome. Tell them that they are wanted, they are needed, and they are loved here and now. I’m available for sessions and group healing as well.

Sometimes You Need to Go to Your Accountant Empty Handed

I really want to share with you this experience that happened to me today. It’s October 15th the last day to file taxes for those who asked for an extension. Including myself. Why not, why not wait to the last minute, and be stressed out like a lunatic. Oooooh I was so angry with myself…..

So listen to this: I live in Nyack, and since I have this CPA in Queens for over twenty years, (sorry Gloria) I needed to drive to Queens Village today. Before I went, I checked all my documents, to make sure, I have everything I need, and get it over with. I drove like the wind, got there in no time, parked in front of his office, and when I reached for my bag, I realized, I did not have the documents in it. I started analyzing myself: self-sabotage, that’s it, self-sabotage; than I looked around again, because I could not believe I did this. Nop, nothing. Well, I turned red (I know I’m red, ok reder) and purple, and you name it. I was livid.

Ok, so what are my options here? – I asked myself. Don’t go in, just turn around, get the f…n documents and come back again. Or, go home, and maybe never file taxes in my life again, mad. Or go in, and tell him as it is, and ask, when would be a later appointment possible today. I was just waiting in the car a few more minutes until the shock wore off, and I did go in. Paul, my CPA is nice. He asked me how I am, and I said not good. Told him what happened, and he came up with a brilliant idea: Go home, he said, and fax/email all the documents you have. Huhh. A load off. Let me pay at least, I said. So I did that, and headed back to Nyack. Just before exiting his office I turned back, and said: And I’m not even in love, if I would be, I would have an excuse. You know what Paul told me? He said: Maybe you need to be in love, so this would not happen. Just let me know who the lucky guy is. Did I mention, he’s from India? Pearls, pearls, pearls…..sometimes you do need to go to your accountant empty handed.


What About the Soul?

So I was just thinking about this for the past couple of weeks. For seventeen years I have had the same hourly rate. Than I got yelled at, because the work we do creates rapid personal transformation, people’s lives are changing fast, and I needed to increase my fee. Turns out, everybody else did already, except me.

Woohoo, the reaction was drastic, but I kept at it, because I know how much this program is worth, and I know how much I’m worth. And than I was thinking to myself: when we have a plumbing problem, we call the plumber right? When the roof is leaking we have to fix it. If we don’t have AC in the middle of summer, we don’t wait years, we call a professional that day. When we have a cough, fever, throat ache, etc. we run to the pharmacy or the doctor, or naturopath preferably. We want a new house, new car we buy one. We want/need new close, dinner out …….

But what about the SOUL folks? What about the soul? What is it that we do when our heart is broken? What is it that we do when we get a nervous breakdown, or we can’t think straight, when we are sad, angry or afraid? The soul is our emotions, our thoughts and our will. These all can be broken, and they need to be fixed, just like the leaking roof, or the broken pipe, or the whatever physical things in our lives. We can have morbid, scary, sad, etc thoughts and emotions, and we can have no will to recover, no will to heal, no will to live…..Are we running to the phone to call a healer, therapist, psychiatrist…..? Do we want to fix it the same day we first felt those feelings and thought those thoughts? Are we willing to say: Whatever it takes; Whatever it costs; Just fix it, because I don’t want to stay this way, because I owe it to myself, and I owe it to the ones I love and to those that love me. What is it that makes us value our things more than our own soul? What has to happen for us to make a move, to stand our ground, to step up to the plate, to want to be happy, joyful, to want to have fun, tell a joke, and laugh, laugh, laugh? I wonder.

I am busy – relationships

I am busy, you are busy, he/she is busy everybody is busy, and everybody will stop and drop what they were doing, to attend fixing what went wrong when they were busy.

Than comes the: Oh my God, how did this happen? How did this happen to me?

I’m from a country where people still visit each other without a phone call. Would be considered rude here, but there they drop everything, and attend to the guest, and they do that with joy.  There are no homeless people. Maybe a few. What that has to do with this subject? Relationships in families, friendships, neighbors are strong there. People help each other, mainly with emotional support. When you don’t feel alone, you do come up with ideas and solutions. Fear paralyzes the brain. The biggest gift you can give to a human being is LOVE, which is impossible to express without time and attention. Homelessness is a state of mind I think. But that’s a subject for another blog. 

We are the ones that create and nurture meaningful relationships, between Mother and Daughter, Father and Son, Mother and Son, Father and Daughter, Sister and Brother, Aunts and Uncles, Grandmothers, Grandfathers, friendships, romantic relationships and so on…. or don’t.

But it’s complicated – they say. No it’s not, but it will be. Hurts and misunderstandings happen all the time. Addressing them, approaching the other person who we hurt, or who hurt us and try to make mends, apologize, understand, correct the problem as soon as possible. The bigger the time gap, the bigger the gap in the relationship. And yes, it does get complicated. We are the ones who decide, make a conscious choice to visit somebody, to turn the f….n phone off and pay attention with love and compassion to the other person. That’s a gift to the other person and to us as well. It does feel like time stops.

It does take courage to love and give yourself into a relationship fully. To stay with one person long enough (I’m not talking about a romantic relationship only), to have a chance to know her/him on a deeper level, and TRUST, TRUST, TRUST. Hm, I just opened the door to yet another subject/blog which is why don’t we trust? Stay tuned it’s coming. But I think we know the answer to this one already.

Love, love, love! I fall on my face sometimes, but I get up, and I love again. 


How Did I Fool My Parents As a Kid?

Although I started having panic attacks at the age of ten, my parents would never suspect, that something was wrong with me on any other level than physical. They always thought I had weak nerves. As an adult I often asked the question: How come my Mom and Dad didn’t see that I was lost and suffocated in that family? They were busy being miserable,and did not have the information and the knowledge we have today.

The loud fighting, arguing went on and on in our house almost every day. My Mom and Dad have had so much problems each, that I did everything I could to not be another one. I was a straight A student, piano classes, kayaking…no fooling around with boys, a perfect kid, a perfect teenager. Additionally to that I was the clown of the family, who made funny faces, danced, whistled or told jokes whenever there was a need to release tension. Sounds familiar?

So, just a thought: Is it possible for the kids in the family to be all right, when the parents are not? I don’t think so. Not every family is loud. Some parents/couples are really nice and polite to each other, but sometimes that’s all there is, no love and affection. And there is the third kind, where they aren’t nice/polite, they aren’t loud, but there is this passive-aggressive constant tension between couples.

If/when the kids are/seem happy in families like this, something is off. Children want their parents to be happy, peaceful and successful. And they want to fix their problems. But they can’t, they aren’t equipped, and they aren’t suppose to.

If you can’t resolve your issues, and the same ones keep coming up, ask for help. Geotran the language of all possibilities will create rapid personal transformation, so you could be the person, the spouse, the parent you always wanted to be. YOU could be YOU.